is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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