Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
