tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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