its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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