You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How's work?
Spinning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
