How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
