Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my shit smells like andre
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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