she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
