WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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