His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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