i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
