It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
