Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
