Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
