I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
