I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
