Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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