he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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