Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
