the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
