we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
