I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
