i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
