You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize