I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
