areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
