Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
