no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
