new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize