Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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