I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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