YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
