her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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