Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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