Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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