i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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