He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
