this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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