I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
