Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
