You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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