You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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