He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
