I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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