Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize