Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
