xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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