I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
