Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
