I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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