I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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