Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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