did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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