She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
