I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
