you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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