I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
