Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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