Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
