he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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