apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
