don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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