Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
