tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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