I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
