the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
