Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
