I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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