i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
