im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
