I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
