Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
